Inter Freeze Asses, Score Champions League Win

By: Martha | November 1st, 2006

Ibra v Spartak The short story: Inter beat Spartak Moscow 1-0 in a game that was way more exciting than the scoreline suggests. The long story? A synthetic pitch in 28-degree weather is Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s goddamn natural habitat. I mean, who knew? Kitted out in a pair of “Mommy, it’s cold!” tights that all but the most clueless high school keeper would have been embarrassed to wear, Ibra ran around like a 12-year-old — a very skilled one, mind you — on speed, settling the ball on a dime, dropping perfect passes at will and at one point (this is where I pinched myself) TRACKING BACK 75 YARDS TO MAKE A TACKLE. Yes, you read that right. Mr. Whiney Pants himself was the best, most eager player on the pitch for the first 45 minutes of the match. But, honestly, while part of me watched in awe, the other part was thinking “If he can play like this when he feels like it, what is the crap he’s been mailing in for the past two months?” I will try, however, to stop looking that particular gawky, Swedish gift horse in the mouth, at least until he reverts to his typical form.

In non-Ibra news, Spartak Moscow’s keeper — a man who goes by the appropriately intimidating/Polish name of Wojciech Kowalewski — is a beast. I could be wrong, but I think he’s about 6′4″, 220, with a giant bald head that would not be out of place on the scariest-ass gladiator ever to walk ancient Rome. (Assuming, you know, the gladiators were allowed out in the streets. I have no idea how that worked.) Plus, he made four or five world-class saves to keep his team in the game, two of which were one-on-one situations in which he was essentially dead.

Also, in case you forgot for a second just how cold it was in Moscow yesterday, when a Shishkin shot smashed into the bar from about 30 yards late in the second half, ICE FELL ONTO THE PITCH. Ice. Was on the crossbar. Oh hell yes, I would have been wearing Ibra-style tights, not to mention one of those neck things of which the Brazilians seem so fond. And gloves, a hat, and a coat.

All of which is a long way of saying that Inter have played their way back into contention in Group B. Bayern are still up four points, but after looking like a disaster through the first few rounds, Inter are now sitting second, a point ahead of Sporting Lisbon and five clear of dead-in-the-water Spartak.

[image from inter.it]