

Inter’s World-Beating Kiddie Squad — Nothing But Class, Baby
By: Martha | December 11th, 2006
Those of you who don’t spend as much time on the Inter website as I (read: everyone) may not be aware of the incredible depth of information available therein — let me tell you, it’s mind-blowing. In addition to match reports, bios, and more training photos than anyone could ever want, there is also an endless array of detail available about the club’s entire youth setup, right down to the trio of U-11 teams.
I bring this up not just in the interest of informing the masses, but because Pulcini A (the top U-11 team, as far as I can tell) is having, well, a rather impressive season. In my own defense, I swear I don’t actually spend much time in that section of the website — but when a news story about a 39-0 victory pops up on the front page, I feel the need to do some investigating. Yes, I said 39-0 — please tell me I’m not the only one who finds that excessive. I don’t care how important the stats are for these 10 year olds, 39 goals is too goddamn many. And, as you might expect, this was not an unusual occurrence for Pulcini A: In 10 games, they’ve scored a total of 122 goals and given up only nine (five of them in one game), winning games by scores of, yes, 39-0, but also 32-1, 24-2 and 18-2. Their joint leading scores have 22 goals each and are averaging over two per game, assuming they both have played every match. (Given the pattern here, I fully expect they’ve played 90 minutes of every game, and were attacking eagerly til the last second in each one.)
Now, let me ask you something: Is this really necessary?! To be fair, there are a lot of lopsided scores in the league in which the Pulcini A side plays, but still — will these boys not learn about killer instinct beating teams by 10 goals instead of 20? It seems to me they’re all being turned into classless assholes by this setup — honestly, what could be the justification within the academy for these scores? I suppose it’s possible that they actually are sandbagging and would be winning 75-1 if they weren’t, but that seems unlikely to say the least. I don’t suppose any of you have actually seen this team play? You Tube is totally letting me down. Hmm. Maybe we should take a field trip …
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Comments
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You’re totally right, Martha. Just watch. In 15-20 years, these boys’ teammates will be going to the press complaining anonymously about their “melons énormes.”
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I swear, it will take me years and years to get tired of making melon énorme jokes. I bow down and worship at the feet of whichever anonymous Henry teammate made that comment. (And if he goes to Inter, you’ll get to make these comments too.)
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I think I know what’s happening–Ibra is being allowed to play on this squad based on his emotional age.
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Seriously. How is there no 10-goal slaughter rule here? Every level of little league baseball, squirt hockey, etc. has a slaughter rule.
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Brilliant, you guys! Ibra and melon enorme? (What’s the plural of that phrase? Dickheads?) We definitely need to take that field trip — I’m sure Boots n All will pay. Is IS travel, after all, right?
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One other thought. I don’t know about Italy, but over here U-12 halves are only 30 minutes long. Which would make U-11 either 25 or 27.5. Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?
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Adriano could play for that side too
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Martha, I have a fun little exercise for you. Go in and google “melon enorme.” See what pops up.
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HHHAHAHAAA!!!! But how can that be? You’re my inspiration, and my only source of the phrase! Am I spelling it so wrong I’m the only fool google can dig up?
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What fascinates me is that between the two of us, we get the top five hits. Does nobody else in the universe find this as entertaining as I do?
We live in a world filled with boring, humorless people. You and I have our jobs cut out for us.
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[...] season I got all righteously indignant about Inter’s Pulcini A team (they’re 11 years old, and under) beating opponents by [...]
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