Schizophrenia at Juventus, Sort Of. Also: CROUCHY!

By: Martha | January 4th, 2007

Do the robot. Roughly a million stories (give or take) have appeared in the last 48 hours about Juventus, and they all say different things. In one, President Giovanni Cobolli Gigli has so much confidence in the current team that he won’t bother with any January transfers. In another, though, he’s talking up the team’s massive transfer plans — for summer. Why he’s so committed to sitting tight right now yet feels compelled to go on a spending binge in the summer isn’t clear — sure, they’ll be in Serie A by summer and want to compete for the title there, but it’s not as if the same thing isn’t the case right now, right? I wonder if he’s going to come into a massive pile of money in mid-May, or something.

Whenever the spending starts, it better be at least somewhat substantial if Juve want to hold on to the best keeper in the world. Buffon is very sternly telling the press that he’ll leave if the club can’t compete for the Scudetto next year, and that they can kiss his ass (well, that’s what Google said) if they don’t bring in more players. Basically, he’s saying “Look, I rule. I know that. I’m not going to hang around here again to show my devotion to you people — this is about ~~money~~ winning, bitches.”

In an effort to please Buffon, Juve are now in the mix for Liverpool’s freakishly tall, oddly graceful Peter Crouch. Reports on both sides of the Channel say the mostly likely deal will be at least a partial swap involving wantaway/unwanted Juve striker (and the luckiest goddamn goal scorer on earth) David Trezeguet. Trezeguet’s contract runs through 2008, but it’s apparently a foregone conclusion that he’ll be leaving the club this summer, if not before. Supposedly, Juve officials are going to London soon and will talk to several agents while there. But seriously, they’re not doing anything in the January transfer market — they just have lots of agent friends.