BREAKING: It’s Bizarro Day!, Or: Suazo to Milan, Not Inter

By: Martha | June 19th, 2007

OH RLY? Less than a week ago, Cagliari’s David Suazo told the press he’d passed his Inter medical, and was eagerly looking forward to the ironing out of the final details of his contract with the club. As as result, pretty much everyone — not just us morons on the internets, but also the great and powerful Mainstream Media — assumed the striker was tying up a move to the nerazzurri side of Milan and started arguing about important things like how he’d fit into the side. Done and done, right?

Ah, but not so fast, kids. At about 1am local time today, the aptly named il Diavolo announced on Milan Channel that Suazo was theirs, not Inter’s, ~~though whether the deal is actually done is extremely unclear~~.* (While I don’t have concrete information on how the story was reported, but I’d wager a good amount that there was diabolical laughter in the background.) God damn. Seriously? Somewhat hilariously, when the Suazo-to-Inter thing was originally announced, there was fury at the fact that Inter had “stolen” the striker from Roma by contacting Suazo directly rather than going through his agent. If that was sketchy, I wonder what the media will make of Milan’s approach.

If this is true, it’s going to make the transfer season a hell of a lot more interesting because the gloves will be well and truly off between Inter and Milan — and there’s no duo better and being assholes in formal, faux-classy manner than Adriano Galliani and Massimo Moratti. All we need to do it get some chips and dip, sit back, and watch the carnage begin.

Edit: Milan have confirmed (though I feel like we’ve heard this before) the deal is done; Suazo supposedly cost them about £10 million.

*Thanks to sharp-eyed commenter Francesco, who was all over this and posted it right away.

Some Related Serie A Posts:

Category: AC Milan, Inter, Roma, Rumors & News, Serie A

« Odds and Ends of Probably Untrue News | Home | Speaking of Transfers: Iaquinta to Juve is Official »

Johnny

I wish the season started today too that way we could see Inter beat Milan twice like they did last year Yomar
Martha

You're killing me, Mike. I need to send you a picture of me so you can hold it up between you and Mutu when you meet him. (And you can hold it over Alex's head, so I can finally get a good look at what the hell is going on with his hair.)

Yomar, don't start counting your chickens before they hatch, man. That said, I can't freaking wait for August -- really, given the current bad blood, it's be great if the season started today, just so we could get some early grudge matches going.

Laurie, I once saw a huge Pirelli even happening in a hotel and went in and loitered, sure I would see either a footballer or maybe Lord Moratti himself. Who did I finally find? Uma Thurman, who was in some promo movie for them. I was so disappointed.
Laurie

Damn. I was just in NYC and didn't see ANYBODY except the Naked Cowboy. (One word: Ick.) Next time I'm not going till the entire world's seasons are done.
YOMAR

MILAN!! MILAN!! MILAN!! MILAN!!
martha and johnny are you guys ready to see your team overshadowed by A C MILAN & JUVENTUS just like it always is? watch out we now have RONALDO & SUAZO up front
Mike

Advice: 57th Street and Fifth Avenue, SEC near Tiffany, is a real bread-winner. I also saw Seinfeld (wearing a MET hat) and a Baldwin (the least famous one, I think), but who really cares about those fools?

But where is Alex?! Getting Impatient!
Martha

Nice, Mike! (Also: A loving "fuck you" for seeing all these people when I'm across the ocean and can't run out to retrace your steps.) Now where's that photo?
Mike

Add Semioli to the list of visiting footballers to New York! Just met him in front of Niketown. He was kinda shocked I recognized him, and his lovely WAG took our photo. He was really nice, and we had a little chit-chat. I didn't bring up any transfer rumors, nor relegation ( I DO have a heart).

And YES I saved the picture; Martha expect the photo soon.

::keeping my eyes open::
Mike

Midgets like "Wizard of OZ" or midgets like "Charlie Chocolate Factory"?

(I just need to know how scared I should be)
Paolo

No * for winning a game out right. Both teams got to use their full squads and played for 3 points. Unless the punishment stated that deducted teams had to play with midgets that were only allowed to walk, then the * aruguement is null. Had Inter won the Championship by 7 points over Milan who had an 8 point deduction, then I could understand and the asterisk. No Asterisk for wininng 17 straight games or beating 30 teams that WERE NOT using midgets, just their full squads with, 11 players on the pitch, 7 subs, 3 of which could be used. Anyhow its done now, season is over, story is old. Next year is another one and this off season is getting interestng.
Mike

Indeed, you gotta love it. All of Inter's records for this past season have a little * next to them, and next season will be the true test. Ask Ibra. ps: Good Luck!

You know, with this whole Milan-Suazo-Inter love triangle, I wouldn't be surprised if this is a giant smoke screen for something bigger. I say Ronaldinho's going to Milan.
Ady

Martha and Mike, see that's what I don't understand. Milan seems to have a whole passel of back-up strikers. There's Inzaghi who - like Maldini - seems capable of putting together one good game per week, Gilardino who they are keeping around in case he miraculously recovers form, Oliviera and Boriello who pretty much plays in we-don't-really-care-if-we-win-this-game games.

Surely, someone has to go. I can see keeping Pippo from a loyalty/cagey little weasel standpoint and Gila with an eye to the future, but the other two...

And perhaps another top flight striker would be good for 'red card days'.
Johnny

I can tell Paolo is a smart man. Bad blood it is and i love it. Pretty comical stuff too. Forza Inter, they will be ready and succeed again is right!
Paolo

Its bad blood now. I expect big things out of Moratti & Mancini. And for the record INTER winning the Scudetto had not a thing to do with anyone being dedudcted points. 17 striaght league wins (Euro Big 5 Record), 30 Serie A wins and 97 points, they were untouchable. It had nothing to do with points. 2 wins against Milan, Lazio, Fiorentina all who had points deducted, don't understand how the points deducted factored into Inter winning all 6 games & taking all 18 of those points. They are going win the Scudetto the same way they did this year, pure domination. It has been hard being Interista, but not this year and hopefully not ever again. They know better than anyone that retaining the title next season is more important than this past one. They will be ready & succeed. I am sitting back just waiting to see what moves they make. A little off season hostility and conniving.... Gotta love it.
Johnny

Suazo is a quality striker but he is no Eto'o or Sheva.
If Milan did not have any points deducted they still would have not even been close to Inter in the standings. I'm not worried about Milan but you are 100% right Mike, Inter should be worried about Fiorentina and Reggina because they are out for blood.?
Mike

IMO Oliviera will stay as a sub, but probably with a different number.

I can see Patrick Suazo (from Dirty Dancing: Honduras?) taking Sheva's #7. I don't see Seedorf giving #10 to anyone except my boy Kaka.
Martha

If there's any justice in the wordly, Ady, he'll be serving tea in the San Siro cafeteria. Anything as long as he's not on the pitch, getting in the way ...
Ady

Oh thank goodness Milan have actually signed a quality striker. What a relief. Although, I imagine this makes a Sheva resigning even more unlikely.

So any idea what they're doing with Oliviera next year?
Mike

Really Johnny? And how are INTER going to do that?

How many point deductions will they use to handicap the league this season? And which team will Inter have relegated? Inter need more than Guido Rossi this time around.

And as if an angry Juve isn't bad enough... Milan, Fiorentina, and Reggina will all be out for blood. You remember how hard it was to be an Interista? Now it's even worse.

Good Luck!
roswitha

Martha,

Now watch as he dooms himself to failure in the manner of Milan's last few striker star signings [no, Ronie baby, we refer not to you]. It's coming. I can smell it in the balmy air.

But for now it's just too funny.
Martha

Francesco, totally agree with you about Suazo at Cagliari -- his production there is truly astonishing, given how little help he had for most of those years. Within the Milan team, he could be truly awesome.

As long as your name isn't "Gilardino," it's a fantastic signing.
Francesco

It was also reported that at first Marco Borriello was included in the deal but he refused the transfer.

I love this signing. I've always thought of Suazo of a great player and he reminds me a lot of George Weah. He is very fast (probably even faster than Eto'o) and I think he will do fine up front this season. And yes, he didn't do that well this season, but

1) look at his supporting cast at Cagliari, he had to invent everything himself. At Milan he will be surrounded by creative players like Kaka, Pirlo, and Seedorf who will give him great assists and provide more chances for him to score. And with his speed, he will have no problem latching on to inch-perfect long balls from Pirlo!

2) I don't think he was fully motivated this season because it seemed he wanted to leave Cagliari. Every transfer season he would be linked with a big club and it would never occur. Now I think he will be motivated and show his best.

I think that he will score at least 15 goals this season. You heard it here first!
Token Euro

Surely, there must have been some kind of pre-contract between Suazo & Inter?

Oh wait, I mean AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
roswitha

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA.