In Case You Weren’t Already at a Fever Pitch About the Milan Derby

By: Martha | March 9th, 2007

Go Go Gadget Winger. Clearly concerned that the first afternoon derby since the invention of the lightbulb will lead to late-arriving fans and huge logjams at the gates, Inter (who are home team this time around) have put together a series of promotions intending to draw the frenzied throngs to the San Siro as early as possible.

So, the game starts at 3pm, Milan time. BUT! If you turn up between 12pm and 1pm, check out all the stuff you get:

•If you’re among the first 10,000 to turn up, you get the tantalizingly named “Inter gadget.” Ooooh. What ever could it be? While I’m hoping for something extremely sophisticated involving, say, your own Luis Figo, my guess is that it’s a Pokemon keychain with the Inter logo on the front. 75% of which will be broken before the game starts.

•If you’re arrival #12,392, though, never fear. You may not get a gadget, but you will get to partake of the free snacks if you buy any drinks from the stadium concession stands. Mmm … airline peanuts. Plus, you get a 20% discount on anything you buy in the San Siro shop (as far as I can tell even Milan gear is eligible) before 1pm. Given the cost of official merchandise these days, that’s a pretty good reason to get there early.

•Here’s where things get weird: Apparently between 1230 and 1pm, there is going to be a GAME ON THE SAN SIRO PITCH INVOLVING SPECTATORS. Oh. My. I’m not the only one who sees this as a recipe for disaster, am I? You’re going to get rabid fans of Inter and Milan out there, and just let them go at it? Is it too late to call this off? No? Crap. Well, at least there are autographed jerseys in the offing (given out to those who are still standing, I assume).

•And, finally, the pièce de résistance: After the ~~fight~~ game between fans, there’s going to be a friendly between Inter’s and Milan’s U-11 teams. Now on the face of it, I realize watching a bunch of pre-teens — even really good ones — run around the pitch isn’t a thrilling one. However. Remember back in December, when I ranted about a certain Inter youth team that was so dominant and unrelenting (clearly the coaches are terrible people and so, soon, will be the kids) that they had scored 122 gaols in 10 games, and won matches 39-0 and 32-1? This is that team! Turn up a bit early for the main event, and you can see the best, most obnoxious 11-year-old footballers in Italy! Woo hoo!

So. While you Milanese will be playing with Pokemon, munching free snacks, and cheering on a mini-Maldini, the rest of us will be sitting in front of our TVs, wishing we were there. Bastards, the lot of you.