Sheva and Kaka and Adriano, Oh My!, Or: Rumor Mania in Milan

By: Martha | June 15th, 2007

Oooooh Ricky. This is what we get for complaining about the shortage of rumors yesterday, I guess — today, every time you turn around there’s something more outrageous in the paper.

First, old Silvio Berlusconi — a man never known to lie, exaggerate, or talk loudly without the benefit of knowledge — has sanguinely announced that the deal to bring Andriy Shevchenko back to Milan is 80 percent completed. Though he claims this information came directly from Adriano Galliani, I would guess it’s going to be news to Galliani when he hears it, and bet the VP will have issued a delicate “He’s Herr Berlusconi and is never wrong but he didn’t hear it from me” denial by the end of the day. When you look at the details of any possible deal, it’s sitting exactly where it was six months ago: If Sheva wants a move to Milan, they’ll pay him. There is, however, another party involved, and Chelsea are going to want some serious coin in order to let him go. That issue — the only one that really matters — has still never been breeched, and whether it’s only 20 percent of the deal or not, nothing’s going to happen until it is. (Or, they might forget Sheva, and drop €100 million on Ronaldinho.)

Meanwhile, the news from Spain is scaring the crap out of the Rossoneri faithful: Real Madrid are reportedly preparing a world-record, £53 million bid for none other than Saint Ricky Kaka. According to Tuttosport (evidently the preferred news outlet of all massive La Liga clubs), Real personnel have already met with Kaka’s agent/father — who surely would have liked the sound of that rumored £7 million/year salary for his son — and will be arriving in Milan next week order to begin negotiations with the club. Milan, needless to say, practically knocked over the trophy case in their rush to issue a “WE WILL NEVER SELL!” statement, strenuously denying everything they could get their hands on.

On the other side of town, Adriano is again being mentioned in connection with a completely outrageous exchange deal, this time for Samuel Eto’o (yes, him, the guy who doesn’t want to move). Spanish paper El Mundo Deportivo are convinced such a deal could happen, and in fact claim preliminary discussions took place over a week ago in — get this — an unnamed Middle Eastern embassy in Madrid, with Luis Figo acting as moderator. Wow. Who knew Inter had it in them to be so cloak-and-dagger? Color me impressed! (And you know things went really, really well since it was only a few days later that Inter announced Figo’s new contract, and revealed that he’d be in charge of “international relations” for the club after his retirement.)

Ignoring Eto’o’s insistence that he’s going nowhere, this deal isn’t quite as insane as it sounds — a substantial amount of cash would also change hands, a payment which Barca would then turn around and offer to Arsenal to start prying Theirry Henry from their hands. (Of course, since the rumor in England is that Arsene Wenger wants Eto’o for Henry, this saga begins to bear a disturbing resemblance to that O. Henry story about the woman selling her hair to buy a watch chain for her husband, who sold his watch to buy her a comb. Oh, the irony.*)

*In case you got lost, Eto’o is the hair.