Today’s Milan Rumor Roundup, Or: Whatever Will We Do When the Transfer Window Closes?

By: Martha | December 13th, 2006

Oddo On any given day this week, I swear I read 10 different rumors about which players Milan will be bring in to rescue them from the swamp of suckage threatening to swallow the club whole. I sort of have my doubts about them pulling off ANY big moves before the transfer window closes — instead, it almost feels like some of these names have been mention by club personnel in a pathetic effort to mask the grim reality of where the team currently stands.

Reporter: “Your team has a collective age of 400 million, and if anything seems to be getting worse as the season goes on. what do you plan to do to rescue the season?”
Berlusconi: “Uh … Ronaldinho! Sheva! PELE!”

Among the latest names thrown up as part of the Milan smokescreen are:

•Fiorentina’s wonderful Riccardo Montolivo, who is apparently being seen as a Pirlo replacement. (What’s this? Milan, planning ahead to replace an aging lynchpin? Can’t be!) He’s got a long-term deal with Fiorentina, but Milan have a good relationship with his agent so it’s not patently impossible that talks might actually take place.

•Lazio captain Massimo Oddo, who nearly (according to the press, anyway) joined Milan over the summer. There’s reportedly been no new approach made by the club yet, but Oddo does seems at least mildly unsettled by the fact that Lazio aren’t offering him the massive new contract he’s seeking. He says he wants to end his career in Rome, but what’s going unsaid is that he sure as hell isn’t signing anything that will keep his salary under the £357,000 cap set by Lazio’s president, so his love for the club has some financial limits.

•Ronaldinho and Eto’o. Seriously. And this rumor came from Carlo Ancelotti himself — I’m not lying about this “Show the press something shiny so they get distracted!” thing. Earlier this week, Ancelotti told La Gazetta dello Sport (apparently with a straight face) that “for practical reasons, Eto’o would be more useful than the Brazilian (Ronaldinho).” As if, you know, the practical considerations of bringing these two to the club were actually being weighed. When they stopped laughing, the press went to Milan chair Adriano Galliani who, not surprisingly, said “Wha?!” (It means the same thing in Italian as it does in English.)

•Sheva. Psych! On the Milan side, the issue is officially closed. Oh yeah? Well he didn’t want to come anyway. Suck it, Silvio! (Oh, and also? Poor Sheva’s apparently about to be dropped by Mourinho. Ouch.)

•And, if you believe Tribal Foobtall (always a dodgy proposition), the list grows even more impressive: According to their “sources,” everyone from Emerson to Toni is headed to the San Siro!

Edit: The combination of swamping work and creeping flu has rendered me sadly unable to post for the rest of the day, barring twin miracles. To pass the time while I’m away (I’m sure you’re all at a desperate loss for Italy-themed entertainment), here are two groveling appeals for support from the people at Milan. Honestly, this is well beyond pathetic.